In the Shadows
by Kursed SeeD
Summary: Quistis watches Squall and Seifer struggle through marriage, birth and death. [Yaoi, SS]
1. The Wedding

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Title: _In the Shadows_

Author: _Kursed SeeD_

Warnings: _Yaoi, Angst_

Pairings: _Seifer x Squall_

Disclaimer: _Don't look at me, because I don't own it._

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**_The Wedding_**

  
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Squall Leonhart and Seifer Almasy are indeed complex people.

I have watched those two for years and years. I have seen them go from the best of friends, to bitter enemies, and back to friends again. 

I watched in silence as I saw the pain consume them. I stood in the shadows as Squall shed tears for his lost friend, then the Sorceress' Knight. I crouched in the darkness as sadness filled Seifer's face, the first time he had almost killed Squall.   
I watched as Squall pretended everything was okay, like he didn't care. I saw Seifer lash out at complete strangers in frustration. 

And for the longest time, I understood none of it. 

I will never forget the relief that flooded their faces the first time they saw each other after the Sorceress' War. Relief that lasted only a second, to quickly be replaced with masks of indifference and arrogant smirks.   
  
I will also never forget the moment that Rinoa announced her engagement to Squall. Squall had appeared utterly lost and Seifer had been indignant. At the time, I had thought it was because of the past history. I believed that Seifer still loved Rinoa, and that Squall knew it. 

Only now do I know how silly that idea was... 

My true understanding of those two began in subtle hints.   
  
I noticed first with Squall. He acted more and more often as if he did not _truly_ care for Rinoa. As if there was a completely different reason for clinging to her. She had something that he wanted and needed. Something that actually had _nothing _to do with her.   
  
Seifer's manifested in the way of snide comments. It slowly became clear that his crude remarks to Rinoa did not come from his anger at losing her to Squall, but something entirely different. Something that he kept hidden in the deepest depths of his mind. 

Even though I had all of the signs, I could still make no sense of it. It was obvious **something** was bothering them, but I couldn't say what.   
  
Then I watched them training one day.   
  
Squall had come into the centre, highly annoyed and moody. Seifer had been cocky and rude, as usual. They threw harsh insults at each other for a while and then began to fight. The way they were fighting caught me completely off guard. I knew immediately that they were not fighting with all they had, as they usually did. They were holding back, almost as if they were afraid to hurt each other. 

And then the Grats had come. I had been expecting them to work apart, thinking only of themselves, but I saw the exact opposite. Their faces were set in determination, each of them concentrating on watching the others' back. Every move they made was complimentary to the others' move. Every step they took was in defense of the other.   
  
_It truly was magic._   
  
And it was in that single moment that I had finally understood what I had been trying to for years.   
  
It wasn't a bitter hatred for each other that drove them to act the way they did, or even a case of being too much alike. 

It was pure, unbridled love.   
  
I felt so foolish for not seeing it before. Everything suddenly made so much sense.   
  
Squall's behaviour now seemed rational. Of course he had been moody these last couple of months. Everyone knew him to be the 'hero' and expected him to play the part. The part, of course, included marrying the princess and having a family. There was no room for discussion in his life. Everything had been decided for him. 

I understood Seifer's frustrations. There was nothing he could do to better the situation, either. We all knew Squall would never purposely hurt Rinoa, and he would never disappoint everyone. Seifer knew Squall was bound by the unseen ties of fate, and no amount of pleading could change that.

I had felt my heart wretch for them at that time. Their love would never be known. It would be merely something that was thought about during long nights or on a rainy day. A silent hope that was only acknowledged when no one else was looking. 

I wanted to help them. I wanted to run to them and hold them both, telling them that it was okay, I knew. And I loved them no less for it.   
  
Instead, I did as I have always done. I remained in the shadows, my lips sealed. _(What else could I do?)_   
  
I watched as the wedding date drew closer and closer. The passing time was constantly shown on three different faces. A face of anxiety, a face of anger, and a face of joy. Still, only I knew the meaning behind the anxiety and anger. 

I had felt my very core tear into two as Squall had stood at the altar with his blushing bride. He had appeared hollow, empty. But he still managed a smile for her. I knew that one act took everything he had. I had cheered him on entirely, knowing full well that Squall wanted to die inside.

I had felt equally as drained when Seifer, ever the best man, had given a speech wishing Squall a happy future. I noticed that not _once_ did he mention Rinoa. Instead, he spoke of Squall's accomplishments, Squall's abilities, and Squall's hopefully happy life. I had applauded him thoroughly, for it did not escape me as to how much his glass had shook.

The world seemed hopeless to me afterwards. Everything was dark, damp, and dismal. Why bother trying anymore? If a love like the one they shared could not be realised, then how did the rest of us _possibly _have any hope? 

I had been ready to give up on everything in general when I had heard voices, whispering in the shadows.   
  
"I'm sorry..." The voice was regretful.  
  
"You did what you had to do." Was the understanding reply.  
  
"I shouldn't have."   
  
A small, sad chuckle, "You know you couldn't survive unless you were doing right."   
  
"Is this right?"   
  
"What do you think?"   
  
"I think I feel empty without you." The voice sounded drained of emotion.   
  
"And I you... but that doesn't change anything... you have your life now, and I have mine..."   
  
"Why can't our lives be together?" Desperation shone through.  
  
A pause, "I guess the Fates just aren't working with us." 

"Can I wish for someday?"   
  
"Only if I can wish with you." I could hear the smile in the voice.  
  
A soft sigh, "You should get back to the party... they'll miss you before long."   
  
"Come in with me?"   
  
"Not yet... I want to stay outside for a bit longer."   
  
"Is this goodbye?"   
  
A strained voice, "No. Even if we never see each other again, you'll always be in my dreams."   
  
"And you in mine..."   
  
I saw the two figures embrace each other, kissing softly.   
  
One of the figures stepped out in the light, "She better be good to you..." the remaining one whispered.   
  
Squall smiled sadly, not turning around. "I'm sure she will be, Seifer...."

Maybe there is hope after all...


	2. The Baby

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_The Baby_  
  
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I find it a bit ironic that a person can be torn apart by an announcement that should normally make them joyous. 

That was the case with Squall when Rinoa announced her pregnancy. 

I could see the faint flicker of pain in his eyes. It was a pain that no one would notice unless they knew to look for it. 

I knew why there was pain there. A child would be sealing his fate. How could he ever leave Rinoa if she had a baby? With those three little words all of Squall's secret dreams and hopes had been washed away. 

And I knew he wanted to die. 

He smiled at her though, hugging her tightly. I knew he did not blame Rinoa or the child, who did not ask to be created. He would love his child with all of his heart, as he would Rinoa, even though it was killing him inside to do so.   
  
His dreams would go on a back shelf, as they always had.   
  
Seifer's reaction was quite different from Squall's, though. I had spared him from having to hear it from some stranger, and had told him myself. 

I will never forget the look of utter confusion and pain that went across his features. "What...why?" The only words he could manage. He too realised that it was the end for them.   
  
I could see the tears in his eyes. The tears he desperately tried to blink away. The tears that would not stop.   
  
I held him close to me, aching alongside him. I knew it was only out of shock that Seifer had allowed me to be this close to him. Ordinarily, he would have pushed me away. 

He had looked into my eyes, silently pleading for an answer. 

How I wished I could give him one. 

Instead, I had just sat there, holding him, until he had pulled away from me, wiped his eyes. "I guess I should go congratulate the lucky pair." He had said bitterly, walking away from me. 

The months that followed were indeed hard ones. 

Squall, who should have been bursting at the seams in joy of this occasion, had merely sunk even further within himself. Of course, I suppose Rinoa had not helped matters any. She was always crying out for him. 'Get me this.' 'Get me that.' 'Do this for me.' 'Do that for me.' Over and over until I myself began to question my own sanity. He took it though, caring for her meticulously, as Squall would always do.

Seifer, not surprisingly, began to get in even more trouble. He was picking fights with anyone over anything. It didn't matter to him, as long as he could get some of his pain out. I do not know how many times I had to appear before the Garden and plead his case. I also do not know how many times I almost got myself into a lot of trouble defending him.   
  
But it was all worth it.   
  
Anything to keep them from falling apart. 

........ And then it had happened.   
  
The child had come. 

It began early in the morning, Rinoa's screams echoing through the halls. Squall, always at her side, comforting her, encouraging her, trying to at least look like he was playing the part.   
  
I remember idly wondering who would comfort him... who would encourage him... 

We had all been there, when the child was born. Rinoa had considered it such a grand event that every one of us had been invited. Even Seifer. 

To this day I can recall every motion when the child was born.   
  
I can recall Dr. Kadowaki telling everyone it was a girl. 

I can recall Squall holding her for the first time... whispering her name... the joy finally filling his features as the little girl, who would be known as Raine, wrapped her hand around his finger...

Even Seifer had been stunned by the child's beauty. She looked like some mythical goddess come to earth to bless us. Truly a gift from Hyne. 

And then Rinoa had asked Seifer if he wanted to hold the baby.   
  
Seifer had looked scared, sick and confused all at once, but had gingerly taken the baby, cradling her in his arms. He had stared at her, amazed by her every movement, her every noise.   
  
Seifer's eyes had met Squall's in that instant. A million emotions shone through. I knew perfectly well what they were thinking.   
  
'This could be **our** baby.'

And, oh how I loved them for being able to keep themselves under control, to wrap themselves in the happiness of this occasion and not the sadness. 

They did not speak in the shadows that day, as they had done years ago, but I knew that it wasn't necessary. They already knew.   
  
In their deepest of hearts... it was **their** child. 

Nothing could change that. 

**__**

Author's Notes:_ Woo! Second chappie! Tell me what you think!! Good? Bad? *twitches* Gimme something here, folks!! ^__^_

-- Many thanks to my dearest Zencreation for Beta reading for me!! I love ya, hon!!! --


	3. The Accident

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The Accident

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Sorrow will ease with time, slide away like the dark from the light. Slowly, but surely.

Five years had passed since Raine's birth and little had changed. 

Seifer had stayed in Balamb, mainly, I sensed, to stay close to Squall and Raine. When he was around the child, his demeanor would change entirely. He would become happy (an impressive feat, indeed) and there would not be one sour word from him. He treated the little girl like she was his own, wincing only slightly when she called him 'Uncle Seify'. He spent all the time he could with her, offering to baby-sit her at any moment in time, even if he had previous engagements. Perhaps it was his way of keeping close to Squall. I knew that when he held that little girl, he thought only of how she should be theirs. How she _was_ theirs. Seifer had always considered Rinoa a mere inconvenience. 

Squall had also dedicated all of his time to Raine. Not even the end of the world could be more important than his little girl. Rinoa had become busy, her child second in line to her social life, so Raine spent most of her time with her father and her 'Uncle Seify'. I know this caused much friction between the married pair, but no one seemed to want to do anything about it. Rinoa, no matter how much she was chided, would always have more important things to do, while Seifer did not. Both Seifer and Squall were amazed as to how someone could put something else _above_ the angelic Raine.   
  
After a bit of tension, life had seemingly settled down. Squall and Seifer seemed to have accepted that fate would not allow them to be together. There was still pain in their eyes when they looked at each other, as I knew there always would be, but it was no longer breath-taking or overwhelming. I no longer cried over their loss, only a dull ache remained behind. 

And then, slowly, Squall began to change. He was starting to lose his energy, to wither away. He was only in his twenties, it wasn't right.   
  
I knew that Seifer noticed this and worried, even though Squall repeatedly brushed it off, saying he merely had a lot going on in his life. There wasn't a day that passed that I did not overhear Seifer begging Squall to see a doctor. There also wasn't a day that I did not overhear Squall telling Seifer that he was fine. 

It had been time to clear _both_ of their minds. We had all decided a vacation was in order, so we had flown to the Orphanage, the place where we had all first come together. 

It had been a beautiful day out, the kind that poets write about and lovers dream of. No one saw the dark clouds that stirred behind the golden sun, ready and willing to rain upon our happiness. 

At first we all had mingled with each other, making small chat and meaningless gestures. After a bit, though, we began to fade back into ourselves. Back to our shell-searching, tans and swimming. 

There we were, lost in our own little worlds, when we heard a tiny scream, childlike and fearful. A quick glance towards the water told us that Raine had gotten too far out. No matter how good of a swimmer she was, the current could and would still take her down. 

Within an instant Squall and Seifer leapt into the waters, paddling furiously to get to their little girl. I think the rest of us were to shocked to move. But those two... they never hesitated. Even though I could see the panic in their eyes, they never let it take control or falter their steps. 

Seifer was to be the one to reach Raine first. He grabbed the frightened child just in time to shield her from an oncoming wave. Seifer had underestimated the impact, though, and they both were thrown underwater. 

Squall continued to swim towards them frantically, as we all waited for Seifer and Raine to surface. But they didn't. 

I saw Squall glance back at us fearfully and within a second, I was in the water myself, making my way towards the last spot I had seen the pair. I heard the others close behind me. 

I watched as Squall dived underwater, searching for either of them. I was beginning to worry that he _himself_ had been caught in the current, when he arose, a sputtering child in his arms. 

"Quistis!!"   
  
I swam over towards him without hesitation. He placed Raine in my arms, "I've gotta go find him!" 

The look of complete terror and loss stunned me for a moment. I clutched Raine tightly, feverishly praying for Seifer's safety. Squall's too. 

I felt a tug on my arm, and was forced to retreat back to the beach. I did not want to leave Squall and Seifer alone out there, but whoever had said it had been right. We needed to get Raine out of the water and wrapped into a blanket. (I guess in retrospect I shouldn't have rolled my eyes at Rinoa for bringing a blanket to the beach.) 

Rinoa tried to pry the child from my arms, but I refused to let her go. I just stood here, holding her, waiting for them to emerge. 

Someone was crying, although I didn't know who. I had looked at everybody and, although their faces were full of concern and dread, there were no tears in their eyes. 

I heard a slight gasp and quickly turned back to the beach. An immense feeling of relief washed over me as I saw Squall slowly making his way towards the sand, Seifer in tow.   
  
I could see Squall struggling with the unconscious Seifer, so I finally relented and handed Raine over to Rinoa, making my way back out to the waters to help them. 

I wrapped an arm around Seifer's shoulder, giving Squall a small reassuring nod. We quickly made our way back to land. 

Squall carefully laid Seifer out on the ground.   
  
"Is he going to be okay?"   
  
Squall had ignored the question and began CPR. I could only stand there and watch as Squall repeatedly tried to breathe life back into the man that held his heart. 

I struggled to maintain my composure when Squall started crying openly. He had never been one to show his emotions, especially not in front of a lot of people. But here he was, crying in front of all of us, not giving a damn who saw it or what they thought. Only one thing mattered to him right now. Saving Seifer's life. 

"Don't you die, damn you..." He whispered through his tears, "You can't die... c'mon... breathe, Seifer, _breathe_."

The seconds seemed to last forever. I had a hard time hearing anything other than the beating of my heart, which felt like it had jumped into my throat. 

I continued to watch him struggle, my hand pressed against my mouth, as the others started to lose their hope, to concede to his death. Not Squall, though. I knew Squall would stay out there for the rest of time if it meant bringing Seifer back. 

"Squall... I don't think it's going to work..." Rinoa said tentatively after a moment or so. 

Squall paused for a moment, shooting her one of the coldest glares I had ever seen. Rinoa actually _took a step back_ from the intensity of his look. "Sorry, sorry." She mumbled as Squall resumed working. 

"Is Uncle Seify gonna be okay?" I wish I could have answered Raine's question, but I did not know myself.   
  
Squall stopped the CPR and leaned over Seifer, bringing his mouth to Seifer's ear. I saw his mouth moving, but could not figure out what he was saying to him. 

Whatever it was, though, it must have been a Hyne send... a few moments later, Seifer started coughing furiously. Squall quickly turned him over on his back, allowing the water to escape his lungs. 

When he was through, Seifer fell against Squall, exhausted. I know that everyone else there assumed that they were only good friends, and that was why Squall had tried so hard... but... I knew better. I could read them both like open books. 

Raine jumped on Seifer, hugging him tightly. "I'm so glad you're okay, Uncle Seify! I was real worried 'bout you!" 

Seifer smiled at Raine as Squall's fears slowly began to retreat. I could tell he still couldn't believe Seifer was going to be okay. I don't think Seifer believed it himself. 

"C'mon, guys... I think we've had enough adventures for today..." Rinoa stood up, picking up her child. 

One by one we followed her back to the orphanage. Squall and Seifer, however, opted to remain there for a bit, until 'Seifer regained his strength.'   
  
And although I wished I could have remained unseen that evening, to hear of their words, I did not stay. 

For I knew that they needed their privacy. 

And I would respect that. 

Although I would forever be wondering what they had said. What could you say to your love who almost died? Or to your love who saved your life?   
  
Maybe they didn't have to say anything at all... 

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Author's Notes: _Okay, so whatcha think? You know this story is *very* hard to write. It's so rare that I can actually get into Quistis' head to do this story, and when I do, I can never stay long enough. If some parts seemed rushed or whatever, please forgive me. I've got the cold from hell and it's impairing my work. o.0 _


	4. The Sickness

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The Sickness**  
  
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What do you say to someone when you know they're going to die?   
  
Then again, what do you say to the one who loves him?   
  
I am asking you this because I can't find the answer. I have no words to offer them.

I'm completely lost. 

I can see that, deep down, they know what is going to happen. They are just waiting for someone to announce their worst fears. 

I don't want to be the one to have to do that. 

  
Then again, I don't want some stranger doing it, either. 

So again I ask you... 

What do you say to someone when you know they're going to die?   
  
What do you say to the man who has stood by his side throughout the years? Who has handled him getting married to someone else, having a life that doesn't really include him? To someone who would give his life in an _instant _if only it could save the man he loved?   
  
I am beginning to think there are no words. Nothing that I can say that might make it easier.   
  
These past few months have been a blur in my mind. One day slipping into the next, chipping away at our defenses, leaving only weakened shells behind. A mere memory of what we used to be. 

For a while after the vacation incident, everything had returned to normal. (Or, I suppose, as normal as you can call our lives.) 

But then... one day... we had all been at the Garden... to celebrate Raine's birthday... 

(And this is a day that will forever be etched in my mind.)  
  
Squall had been giving a speech of how proud he was of his growing daughter, who had just turned 7, (Protest as he likes, speeches were always where Squall excelled) when he had began to go extremely pale.   
  
I had noticed and began to move towards him quickly, but I was not fast enough. 

He had collapsed before I reached him.

Seifer, of course, had been the first one by his side, calling out to him frantically.   
  
Seifer had also been the first one by his side as the doctor ran countless tests on him. (I didn't tell him, but I knew he slept on that chair beside Squall's bed.)  
  
The only time that Seifer wasn't there when it concerned Squall was when the doctor told me his diagnosis. (Then again, no one had been there. I had made previous arrangements for me to be told first... that way, if it were bad, I could figure out the proper way to tell them... now... if only I had known...)   
  
It was a cancer, spreading deep within his body, ravaging upon his organs like fresh meat.   
  
No, there wasn't any possible way to save him, although they'd sure as hell try. 

Which leads me back to what do you say to someone when you know they're going to die?   
  
I have only come up with a few things...   
  
"I'm sorry Squall... there's nothing they can do..."   
  
"It's like this... you saved the world from only Hyne knows _what_ kind of horror, but the doctors can't think of any way to save your life."   
  
"The doctors say it should happen quickly... you won't suffer..."   


"Squall, you're going to die." 

  
See? I can't think of anything decent to say. I've got your average words and the blunt truth. 

I don't want to give them either. 

In an ironic twist, it was never me who told them... 

It was they who told me... 

"Quistis... I don't want you to cry... I know I'm not going to survive much longer... don't try to deny it, because I know what my body is trying to tell me... but... I don't want you to be sad, Quistis.... because I'm not... don't you understand? _I'm finally going to be free _There won't be any obligations or duties to tie me down... I'll finally get to be with Seifer. Every night, when he dreams, I can finally be there." 

"You really shouldn't frown, Quistis. Sure, Squall's going to lose his body... but he'll still be here with us... He's going to be watching over us... and he won't hurt anymore... we'll finally be together, even if only in my dreams... that will be more than I could have ever hoped for... so can't you be happy for us?"  
  
"Maybe it's selfish of me to say this... but I'm _happy_I'm going to go... I know Raine will be taken well care of... so I'm not worried about that... and even though I won't physically be here for her, she'll still know I'm watching out for her... so please.... smile for me? Tell me you understand?"   
  
What else could I do?   
  
I smiled and told him I understood.

-

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Author's Notes:_ Okay, so whatcha think? Maybe a bit cliche, but TRUE! ^_^ So neh! And a note to Redrum: I actually seriously considered writing a fiction where Seify had a cold, just to make me feel better. ^_^ Instead, Squall's dying. o.0 Odd one, yes I am. ^_^ _


	5. La Morte

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La Morte

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Light can shine in even the darkest of depths.

Out of all of my memories concerning Squall and Seifer, one stands above them all. 

The day that we buried him. 

We had stood by his side through the months that he withered away, as the pain grew almost unbearable at times. But, even after the rest of us had left, Seifer had remained. I had never understood why Rinoa had allowed him to spend so much time with _her_ dying husband, but she did. I knew both Squall and Seifer were eternally grateful to her for that. His time was short and everyone was aware of it.

He had succumbed to his disease on a rainy day. Quite fitting, really. 

The heavy footsteps that echoed throughout the corridor will ring forever in my mind. 

I had expected to see him crying, but he wasn't. He just looked void of emotion, drained, empty, hollow... almost as if he was dead himself.   
  
"He's..."   
  
He hadn't even finished the sentence before he collapsed himself. While we were quick to reach him, there would be no magickal prince to catch him before his fall. 

__

Oh, but how I wished there were.

Laguna had been the one to see to all of the arrangements. It was a beautiful service. Squall looked as angelic in death as he had life. So innocent yet so... jaded, I suppose. 

We had all made our speeches, our toasts, to him, but, of course... there was one in particular that I paid attention to, devouring each word like they would disappear in a puff of smoke. 

__

"I don't... I don't really know what to say... I had everything planned out, but now my plans seemed to have just vanished... Squall... Squall was my best friend... he was there for me... when no one else was... the first one to stand up and say 'It wasn't his fault... he isn't to blame'... the first one to defend me against the masses of people who screamed for my blood... he was.... he meant a lot to me... I guess... he always has... I know I used to tease him a lot... I used to make his life a living hell... and I guess that was just my way of dealing with my frustrations and disappointments in life... but... he knew that.... he **knew** that... and he let me belittle him and mock him... because... he... he knew..."  
  
I was the first one beside him, as he struggled to catch his breath. 

"I can't... I can't do it, Quisty... he wouldn't... no! He'd never allow anyone to talk about him in the past tense! I won't do it! ... I can't..."   
  
All I could do was hold him while he sobbed, not caring who saw us or what they made of it. I knew he had seemed at peace with Squall's impending death, but I also knew most of it was for Squall's sake.   
  
Saying something and actually going through it is two entirely different things.   
  
"Seifer? Are you okay?"   
  
I couldn't understand why he wrenched himself from my arms at the sound of Rinoa's voice. He stared up her, an almost _bewildered_ look upon his face. 

"I... I have to get out of here..."   
  
No one stopped him as he bolted from the room.

I didn't see Seifer again until later on that afternoon, after Squall had already been buried and everyone had left the cemetery. I had walked everyone to their cars. I hadn't wanted to leave just yet myself. Leaving would mean closing a chapter of my life that I wasn't ready to close.   
  
I had been mildly surprised to find Seifer crouching on Squall's grave when I returned. 

I opened my mouth to say something to me, but he cut me off.   
  
"I didn't think I'd ever tell this to a single soul, but Squall thought you deserved to know." His voice was hoarse, raw from all of his grief.  
  
I remember tilting my head in confusion, but not speaking in fear of stopping him. 

"We weren't blind, Quistis... we knew you were there, watching us... mourning for us, I suppose you could say."   
  
So I hadn't been so invisible after all... 

"But there were things you didn't see... things no one saw or knew besides me and him..."   
  
Of course, I had suspected as much, but didn't consider it my business to find out.   
  
"It started in Dollet... about three or four months after he married Rinoa... it was an accident, really... we met there by complete coincidence... and well..."   
  
He lowered his head. "He felt terrible about it afterwards... he said never again... never again, Seifer..." He looked up at me, his eyes pleading with me to understand. "I couldn't lose him, Quisty. I couldn't have a taste and then just back away... He was too important to me and I had waited too long for it..."   
  
I remained silent. 

He sighed. "We met whenever I could talk him into it... he was always so reluctant... but I'd always bully him or plead with him until he gave in... I talked him into it every single time and he let me... _he fucking let me_..."  
  
I stepped closer to him and laid a hand upon his shoulder as his body began to shake. "I know I shouldn't have done it. I should have just let him be happy with his own life, but I couldn't... _I couldn't_! I was too selfish and wrapped up in my own needs... but he never blamed me... he never yelled at me for it... he'd just sort of give me this sad smile, like he understood..."   
  
His gaze nearly took my breath away. His face was streaked with tears, distorted with pain. "As selfish as it sounds, I _wanted_ to take him away from everything and everyone... I used to tell him... let's do it... let's grab Raine and go... but he'd... he'd never..."   
  
I nearly lost my balance as Seifer collapsed against me, sobbing heavily. I awkwardly lowered us both down to the ground and wrapped my arms around him. If Seifer needed someone to let it all out to, I'd be more than happy to be that person. 

I don't know how long we sat there, me rocking and holding him while he cried. It seemed he would never stop. Perhaps he would drown us both in his tears... Not that I'd mind...

Such revelations from him today. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry for them. Seifer shouldn't have felt as bad as he did for taking what he could get. While it was true that Seifer should have never put Squall in that situation in the first place, it wasn't very hard to understand why he had. Of course, it also didn't help that Squall let him. I knew the guilt had probably nearly destroyed them both, but it was like a drug, they just kept coming back for more. A few seconds of bliss was well worth years of agony, I suppose.   
  
At least now I understood why Squall was so tolerant of Rinoa's assorted tantrums and fits over silly things. 

"Quistis?"   
  
Seifer's slight sniffing brought me back from my thoughts. "Yes?"   
  
"I think we need to go back now... it's getting late..."   
  
I looked up at the sky, surprised to see the sun disappearing into the hills. Had it really been _that_ long already?   
  
I nodded slightly and helped him up to his feet. I knew he was probably still woozy from all of his crying. Such grief can destroy a person like that. 

He started to walk off, but stopped when he realised I wasn't following him. "Aren't you..."   
  
"In a little bit."   
  
Seifer nodded and began to walk again.   
  
I turned back to Squall's grave.   
  
"Hey... Quisty?"   
  
I tilted my head.   
  
"Thank you..." Seifer whispered.   
  
I smiled softly to myself as I heard him walk away.   
  
It was probably the hardest thing he had ever had to do. 

I stared at the grave for a moment and then leaned over, running my fingers over the smooth marble.   
  
"Good-bye, Squall..." I whispered as I placed a small beaded rosary on the tombstone.   
  
I took a deep breath, strangely feeling as if I could breathe for the first time in ages.   
  
Smiling to myself, I turned around and began to walk away. No, I wasn't closing a chapter of my life, but I was moving on. Squall would always be a part of my life, and his tragic romance with Seifer would be one that I would die recalling perfectly. 

"I knew, you know..." 

I jumped backwards, peering into the darkness. "Rinoa? Where are you?"   
  
The small dark-haired girl stepped forward, allowing herself to be illuminated in the moonlight. "I knew all along."   
  
"Knew what?"   
  
She gestured towards Squalls' grave. "About those two."   
  
I bit my lip, not really knowing what to say or do.   
  
"I'm not as stupid as some would like to write me off as. Nor am I blind, Quistis. A child could have told what was between those two. When they were together, you could almost see the sparks flying..."   
  
Where _was_ she going with this?   
  
"I knew that he loved Seifer more than he could ever love me. I knew that when he closed his eyes at night, it wasn't me he dreamt of, but Seifer. I knew of their little repeated 'meetings'... And I didn't want to step in between that... I love... I loved Squall too much to do that to him... But you see, Quistis... they might have had their selfishness, but mine outweighed theirs a million times..."   
  
I looked at her curiously.   
  
She looked down at the ground and continued. "I knew I could have let him go at anytime. I could have let him be happy... with Seifer. But I didn't." She looked up at me, the tears glistening in her eyes. "I loved him, Quistis. I wasn't willing to give him up. Hell, I don't even know if I _could have_ gave him up. I wanted him for myself, and so I kept him tied to me. I kept him from being truly happy." She bit her lip, her voice growing shaky. "That was _my_ mistake. That's something _I_ will have to live with for the rest of my life."   
  
I took a step towards her, ready to offer her comfort, but she turned away suddenly, wiping at her eyes. "I just... I don't blame them for it, Quistis... you can't help who you fall in love with... and I guess it's kind of ironic that that's the only way I can explain _my_ actions as well..."   
  
I opened my mouth to speak, but she shook her head wildly and took off running before I could even get a word out. 

I wrapped my arms around myself. It was getting cold out. 

__

Such twisted webs we weave...

I knew that wherever he was, he knew.   
  
Tonight, when Seifer closed his eyes, he'd finally get to be with his angel, without any worries or pressures.   
  
And Rinoa... well... I'd be there to offer my support for her... I knew it was going to be hard, but with friends... anything's possible. 

I smiled to myself as the wind picked up, dancing through my hair, and began my way back towards the Garden.   
  
Yes, Squall Leonhart and Seifer Almasy were indeed complex people. 

But, then again... aren't we all?

-

-

**__**

-The End-

Author's Notes: *Sniffle* This story was such a journey to write... I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did. ^_^ Your reviews and continued support were greatly appreciated.   
  
Many thanks goes to:   
  
Hopemia - Who always has a little somethin' to cheer me up. xD

Mistal, Autumn Priestess - Who is always so enthusiastic about my work. ^_^

Faery-of-Fiction - Who is, as always, the one to ask the questions, to make me think. You always put a lot of thought into your reviews, and it's definitely great to read. :) 

Suli of the yaoi addicts - *carefully pushes Rinoa out of a window* Problem solved!!! ^__^

RikuNghts - *sniffles with you* I feel sorry for them both too. But then again, I'm the one who made them suffer so. o.0

DarkAngel666 - I'm glad you enjoyed reading this so much. ^_~

Redrum - Well, Rinoa was halfway decent. She knew what was going on, but let go of Squall? Psfh, not in this life time. ^_~

konekomh - Honestly I don't think anything could have compared to the emotion in the first chapter, except for well... maybe this chapter... I hope? 

Selphie-Almasy13 - Gaah! Not the spork of doom! Hey... where can I get one of those? ^_^

Shiva3000 - I'm glad you like my writing skills. I sometimes wonder about how well I write, but reviewers like you always boost my confidence. ^_^

Sorceress Fujin - Sowwy I took so long to update sometimes! *sniffle* My muses seemed to have abandoned me for a while there. o.0

timespanned soul - You write well for being from Germany. ^_^ And yes, Rinoa dying and allowing those two to be together would have been lovely... but I don't think she'd allow that. o.0

Lady Briony - *bounces* I'm glad you liked it so much. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint ya. ^_^

Starlit Hope - *gives you a tissue* I'm glad ya liked it and that I could make you sad. ^_^ (Wait... do you thank someone for making them sad? Ahhh, whatever. ^_~) 

And of course, many thanks to my lovely Zencreation, my faithful beta and best friend. Without her... there'd be no magickal plumbing fairies. GASP! SHUDDER!! o.0

But again, thank you all and I hope you enjoy. ^_~ 


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